Under the Big Top
by timmahh
Summary: Cross sells Allen to the circus in an attempt to pay off his debts, leaving Allen alone in a place which is both foreign and strangely familiar. How will Allen cope as he is plagued by memories from his past?
1. Chapter 1

AU, as in the setting is not an alternate end of the 19th century, but rather the real 19th century! Shocking! So that means no innocence and super awesome powers!

**Disclaimer****:** I do not own D. gray man, if I did then all mysteries about Kanda's tattoo, Lavi's eye, and Komui's insanity would have already been revealed.

* * *

Eerie violin music filled the air and the stench of stale alcohol filled my nose. I was waiting outside a tent as my master talked to some evil looking man. They were negotiating my price. My master Cross's debts had accumulated rapidly in the past month and he gave me an ultimatum: I pay off his debts or he sells me to the first willing buyer. Unfortunately for him, it took him several days to find someone who actually wanted me, since with my coarse white hair, scarred face, and an arm that was black as sin, it did not surprise me that most of the people Cross talked to slammed the door in his face once they saw me. 'Maybe they will put me in the freak show' I thought bitterly, 'at least that would be easy, all I would have to do is stand there.' Being back at a circus caused painful memories to resurface, and very soon I was thinking about the first time I met Mana. My eyes started burning and I could already feel the tears starting to prickle at the corners of my eyes when something warm and firm hit me, sending me sprawling on the ground and quickly killing the wave of self pity that had been about to wash over me. Sputtering I looked up to see an irate Asian man with long, flowing black hair that was pulled up into a high pony tail scowling down at me. Before I had even gotten my feet back on the ground he was yelling "What the fuck! Watch where you are going you freak!" After taking his verbal abuse, I had picked myself off the ground, dusted off the dirt from my clothing and preceded to give my assailant a stoney glare.

"First of all," I began "My name is neither you nor freak. It is Allen, and furthermo-"

"I don't give a fuck what your name is. You belong in the freak show get out of my face."

And with that he strode past me and walked into the big top. 'What an ass ... though maybe it's better he walked away ... he was carrying an awful lot of swords' with a shiver I pulled myself out of a particular train of thought where my mind had, to my horror, begun to think of all the ways I could be maimed by the swords the Asian man had been carrying. I heard a rustling of fabric to my right, and I saw Cross and the evil looking man, who must run the place, walk slowly towards me. The man I had pegged as the ringleader plastered a sickly smile on his face and stuck out his hand to me, "It's a pleasure to meet you Allen, your master has told me what you can do, but I would like a demonstration if you don't mind. By the way, my name is Leverrier, but everyone here just calls me the ringleader." He was still smiling that sickly sweet smile at me, and all I could do was to plaster a similar grin on my face and say: "Nice to meet you. What is it that you would like me to do?" At my words, his fake smile suddenly stretched a bit and became more menacing and a lot less fake.

* * *

Leverrier had taken me inside of the big top, while Cross waited outside angrily huffing a cigarette. We were alone inside the big tent, and without the lights and crowds, it was sinister, and the eerie violin music was even louder. Lightly clapping his hands, Leverrier said, "Okay Allen, show me what you can do. If I think you will bring more customers to my circus that means you won't have to stay as long to pay off your debts." 'Man his smile is really creepy...' trying to get my disorganized mind in order I thought back to the time I spent with Mana and all the things I learned from him. After thinking awhile I started listing off the roles I used to play in the circus, "When I was younger, I did acrobatics, juggling, and I was a clown." Once I had mentioned that I used to be a clown the ringmaster seemed much more interested in me, "So," he began, "which type of clown were you?"

"I was a whiteface*"

He smiled, impossibly, stretched larger, "We will put you to good use. Now, show me what you are capable of."

* * *

2 Hours Later

Sweat dripping down my face I sat in the dirt heaving. Leverrier looked very pleased and was now talking to Cross in front of me, finishing up the negotiations. 'Sickening, I am being bought, just like I am some sort of animal. I should be fighting, I could have run away, ditched Cross and made him take responsibility for his debts, but I don't care about myself enough to do anything about it. If I had ran away I probably would have ended up much worse, or probably in a similar situation, working at some circus. Mana always used to tell me to walk forward, but ever since he died I no longer have a path to walk on. Working here is better than dying on the streets, and at least Cross will finally be out of my hair since selling me makes it impossible for him to claim any responsibility for me anymore.' As I was pondering what changes my life would now take, the price had been settled, and Cross had been paid in full with cold hard cash. He looked happy, which never happened, so I suppose I was worth more than he had originally thought. Cross hurriedly walked away from the circus not even sparing me a parting glance. I watched his back shrink into the distance, and it felt strange to think that this probably would be the last I would see the man. Leverrier cleared his throat obnoxiously and gathered my attention, "Please follow me." I slowly climbed to my feet which elicited an angry bark from my new master "Quickly I haven't got all day!" His face was terrifying, now that he owned me he made no attempt to conceal any of his hatred toward me. Having the realization that this man hated me finally hit me and I felt my heart fall into my stomach. He would probably make my stay here a living hell. Stumbling after him, I managed to squeak out, "How long am I obliged to stay here?" Whereas before his face was angry, now it transformed into one adorned with an evil smile, "Let's just say Allen, when you earn 430 pounds* you are free to leave."

"WHAT THE HELL!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY THAT OFF?"

Crack.

"You will not speak to me in that manner, _boy_. Now shut your mouth and follow me."

I brought my shaking hand up to my burning cheek and obeyed his orders, though I was careful to stay out of range in case he felt like hitting me again. As we walked I stared at the ground not caring to see where exactly we were going. After a few minutes we reached a small tent and I followed Leverrier inside. I still hadn't bothered to look up, and once again the ringleader was speaking, "You will be staying here with Kanda, he is in need of an assistant for his routine since he scared away the other one. If you try to run away I will find you and when I bring you back here you can enjoy spending the rest of your life in cage." I dared to peek up at him from underneath my lashes and I nodded twice. Satisfied Leverrier left me alone with Kanda. 'Kanda sure is a weird name' and I turned to see my roommate with a bashful smile forced on my face. Once I had met his eyes my smile quickly turned into a look of disbelief. My hand shaking I pointed at him, "It's y-you." Out of all the people I could have been forced to room with it had to be him. He merely gave me a cold glare in response. First Leverrier now him. Not feeling up to a fight, I stopped looking at him and with a sigh, sat in a corner. After a long awkward silence the older man decided to say something, "Your name?"

"I already told you."

"Don't think that you are so special that I would remember your name."

"... it's Allen, Allen Walker."

"Well, _Walker_, if you get in my way when we are performing, it won't be my fault if you get cut."

"Good thing I don't intend to get in the way" I murmured.

"And you better not fill my room with your useless shit."

I glared at him angrily, "Does it look like I have anything with me?"

He just stared at me, there was no pity in his eyes, just emptiness.

Maybe life with Cross was better than this. I sighed and asked, "Where should I sleep?"

"Where you are is fine with me."

"Seriously, where?"

"Don't you know that freaks like you should sleep in the dirt?"

'Well, he may be older than me, but he is still a child.' I merely rolled my eyes at him and turned to face away from him. Glancing around the room there was clearly a sword motif, after being hit by Leverrier I didn't want to risk getting stabbed by an irate man who clearly hated my guts. Sighing softly I curled my legs into my chest and set my forehead against my knees. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, the day was no where near over, but after all that had happened I was exhausted. Most of the tiredness I was experiencing was emotional exhaustion, being here reminded me too much of Mana and being constantly reminded of him tore my heart into bloody ribbons. Very soon I feel into a deep, unpleasant slumber.

_Suffocating darkness, it crept around me, bound me, drew me in deeper. As I pushed against it I was drawn in even further into the dark. With growing dread my lungs became heavy, I struggled to breathe. Just as I thought I was going to breathe my last breath a hot spot light was on my head and I was under the big top with Mana next to me. He was smiling at me, seeing him so happy, big fat tears rolled down my cheeks, they steamed under the hot light. It was so hot my body felt like it was on fire. I turned to look at Mana again, and to my horror he was on fire. I screamed and ran to him to save him, but I couldn't reach him. All I could do was watch his flesh burn, hear his screams, smell him being roasted alive. "I CURSE YOU ALLEN!" he screamed at me._

I woke up with a start, breathing heavily, shaking and sweating. I felt like vomiting, I had killed Mana, it was all my fault, and there was nothing I could do to atone for it.

"_Moyashi_, why were you moaning about in your sleep?"

Startled I looked up to see Kanda hovering over me. "Huh? What's a Muyashi?"

He rolled his eyes at me, _"_Che, idiot..."

'I am so not an idiot,' "Hey tell me what it means!"

A smirk started to form on his face, "I'm not going to, since you can't even say it right."

"Well, then how do you say it?" an angry pout began to form on my lips.

"Mo-ya-shi, fucking retard."

"Fine, what is a mo-ya-shi then?" I said through gritted teeth.

"It's a bean sprout." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Umm, is that supposed to be insulting?" a bemused smile crept up on my face.

"Of course it is, idiot." He said condescendingly.

I gave him a blank look "... I don't get it."

"What have you never seen a bean sprout before?"

I shook my head.

He sighed, "They are small and have white heads. So, I'm calling you a freaky looking midget." How he spoke was just like an adult would to a child.

I laughed, "Well that's very accurate, but I'm not that small."

Snorting, in what I thought could be interpreted as a laugh, "Sure you aren't, how old are you anyway? Ten?_"_

Indignantly I said, "No. For your information I am fifteen!"

He started to walk away, "Could have fooled me."

All of a sudden my stomach let out a disgusting growl."Hehe, maybe you could show me where I could get some food?"

"Will you die if I don't?"

"Probably."

Turning quickly so his hair threatened to lash me across my face, Kanda exited the tent with me closely at his heels. Not too far away I could see smoke rising from a nearby tent and the smell of food washed over me, causing my mouth to become wet with drool. As we were entering the tent I saw something red flash in the corner of my eye, and before I knew what was happening a young man with fiery red hair, and oddly enough, an eye patch had jumped on Kanda with a goofy smile plastered on his face he cheerfully sang, "I missed you, _Yuu_."

Eyes burning with rage the Asian man threw off the red-head and pointed one of his swords at him. "Don't call me _that_."

The other man pretended to look hurt and said, "Oh, I know you don't mean that _Yuu_. Hey who's the little guy?"

'So he thinks I'm little too, great. And seriously, what's with the eye patch?' "My name is Allen Walker, what's your name?"

"I'm Lavi, but some people just call me Junior. So Allen, you are a fresh face, since when have you been a member of this fine establishment?"

My smile became increasingly more forced. "I just got hired a few minutes ago."

Lavi started bouncing up and down. "Yay, now I have a new friend to play with." Suddenly he didn't look so harmless anymore. "So little guy, what is your area of expertise?"

"Umm..." 'This guy is a bit creepy...' "I used to be a clown, and I guess I am supposed to be Kanda's new assistant."

Lavi started laughing hysterically, clutching at his sides, he looked up at me. "You're kidding me right? A little kid like you is going to be sliced to bits if you perform with Kanda."

I was no longer smiling as I stared at him. "Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Hearing my serious tone Lavi finally gained control over himself. "Hehe, I guess you aren't kidding. Well... good luck." Spinning on his heel he found Kanda who had silently left during our conversation and was already eating some noodles. "Yuu! You better be nice to short stuff over here! Or... I'll... umm... play some music?"

Kanda merely snorted at him. "I'm terrified," he said emotionlessly.

Even though Lavi seemed a little unhinged, he was definitely better than a homicidal swordsman, so, I foolishly decided to try to become his friend. "So Lavi what do you do here?"

Smiling wolfishly he said, "It's my job to play creepy violin music. I find it creates a very sensual atmosphere."

'Maybe he's not the best choice for a friend.' "I heard you playing earlier, it really crept me out." I pretended to look spooked.

He gave me a sweeping bow to show me his gratitude. "Thank you kind sire I try my best to scare the little kiddies away!"

After a very unusual conversation with Lavi, which consisted of the various reactions of all the little kiddies he scared the patootie out of, I was finally in line to get food. Although I was quite famished, I wasn't concentrating on my hunger, but rather how my previous conversation with Kanda could have ended much, much worse. It had been easy to deflect his question about my nightmare, but hopefully this would not be a reoccurring theme. Given my luck, and this strange yet familiar atmosphere, my roommate will probably demand an explanation out of me soon enough. My spirits falling I grabbed my tray and sat by Kanda. Lavi had already left, so it was just him and I eating in silence, until he cleared his throat. His eyes pierced me with a serious look, and I knew that he meant business.

"Moyashi, you never answered my question."

* * *

Please tell me if you like it! This is my first fanfiction ever, and I'm not sure what exactly I should have as my main conflict. Though I think that falling in love is fraught with enough conflict as it is. Maybe you guys can give me some advice and tell me if I formatted anything weirdly or if anything I wrote seems to be really awkward! Please give me much needed feedback!

Notes

* So apparently there are a bunch of different types of clowns and if you look at the cover for DGM chapter 167 Allen and Mana are clearly dressed up in the whiteface style. I had a fun time googling about clowns and the circus considering I've never been, so instead of making stuff up, I am assuming Wikipedia gave me reliable information. Oh, and the whiteface is the smart clown, is the head of the clowns and throws the pie rather than gets the pie in the face, and isn't Bozo the clown. Actually whiteface is the foil to Bozo. Well, this is a long note...

*Equals $50,000. When you convert from dollars to pounds and then take inflation into account that's what it roughly would be back in the olden days.


	2. Chapter 2

First of all, to Princess of Oblivion: No he won't have mad piano skillz cause in the manga he has them because he's possessed by the 14th, and I'm not doing any supernatural stuff (which means he doesn't have to eat tons of food either O_o.) And, maybe he will showing of his acrobatic prowess, I think it's more like Kanda is going to try to maim him and fail... maybe...

Thank you to Princess of Oblivion, sam and Animelover175 for reviewing!!! And the people who put my story on alert!

**Disclaimer****:** I do not own D gray man.

**Warning****:** Violence, swearing, and emoness.

* * *

"Moyashi, you never answered my question."

'Okay play dumb, poker face set, go.' I furrowed my eyebrows, and tried to look like I was trying to remember something. "What question was that again? And my name is Allen stupid." My performance only caused him to become more angry, 'Okay I guess playing dumb doesn't work with him.'

His eyes pierced through my facade and he whispered to me softly, "Did you have a bad dream Moyashi? Or, are you embarrassed that you're a bed wetter?"

I was so wound up worrying about having to tell him about my dream that his insults flew completely over my head. "I did dream, but that was it."

He snorted, "Oh really? Are you sure it wasn't so terrifying that you pissed your pants?"

'Okay, now I'm starting to get angry.' "What makes you think I'm a bed wetter? Does it look like I wet myself recently?"

There was a glint in his eyes and it seemed like he was enjoying himself, which only further fueled my rage. "Maybe you wear a diaper." He gave my lap a speculative glance.

I snorted and rolled my eyes at him. "Of course I do" I said sarcastically, "And, before I go to sleep I need someone to read me a bed time story and tuck me in." Although I tried to brush his snide remarks away, my face was flush with embarrassment,

"So if your Mommy doesn't do that, then you whimper like a little girl in your sleep?"

"I don't _have_ a Mother you ass, and I DO NOT SOUND LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!" My face already red with embarrassment was beginning to purple with rage.

A satisfied look crept onto Kanda's face as he prepared to give me the killing blow. "So, Moyashi, did you dream about your Mommy, or maybe you dreamt about the person who gave you that freaky looking scar on your face?"

My entire body stiffened. I stared blankly at Kanda, not knowing what sort of response I could make. He was right, I had dreamed about the man who had given me this scar. There was nothing beautiful about the scar that ran jagged down my left eye. Out of habit I covered my eye with my left hand, and that is when the shit hit the fan.

Not expecting the sudden motion, Kanda grabbed me and yanked off my glove to reveal my deformed arm. There was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. It was the only time I had seen weakness in the other man, and strangely, I found I liked that expression on his face. His grip on my arm was bone crushing, and it seemed he couldn't think of any new insults to throw at me, that was how completely thrown off by my freakish appearance he was.

I couldn't handle his intense scrutiny anymore, nor his questions, or piercing eyes which seemed to see right into my disgusting soul. It was like I was naked under his eyes, and I couldn't handle it. I was ugly, a person that no one should love, no one should look at me so intensely like this. As my inner loathing boiled over into something more dark and sinister, I tore my arm out of his grasp and walked as fast as I could out of the tent. Not even sparing a look back, I ran as soon as I was outside. Ignoring the stares I ran, ran away from the unanswered questions, and, vainly, I tried to out run my raging thoughts. The tear floods I felt threatening me this afternoon came back with a vengeance, and all I wanted to find was a safe corner to hide in. I slowed down and tried to find a likely spot when, WHAM. Someone had socked me in the stomach and I was hunched over, one hand clutching my stomach, the other a clenched fist in the dirt. I looked up to see who my attacker was, only to see the ringleader.

Trying to put as much distance between us as possible, I didn't bother to get up off the ground before I attempted to scamper away from him, but he grabbed me by my hair before I could get away. He fisted my hair angrily, and before I could react he shoved my face into the packed earth at his feet. He repeatedly pounded my face into the ground. Only after he heard a satisfying crack did he lift up my head to view my face covered in blood, dirt, and tear streaks. I was terrified. It was so intense, my entire body was frozen, stiff. I couldn't even cry out. I wanted to, so badly to scream in pain, but my voice was stuck in my throat, making breathing painful. It was just like the suffocating feeling I had in my dream, but this was so much worse. Blood was dripping painfully out of my nose, and my face was already swelling. There was a dull throbbing pain throughout my face, and I knew that this was just the beginning of a world of pain.

* * *

He was talking to me. My fuzzy brain slowly processed his words, and his face. He was furious, his thin mustache, was bristling, and his face was an unhealthy red. He pulled me as close to his face as he could without getting my blood on himself. Through gritted teeth he spat, "I told you that I would just stick you in a cage if you ran, but... I lied." Suddenly his tone became congenial. "Instead I'm going to beat you bloody." Tremors tore through my body. As he felt me shiver his face contorted into a twisted smile, and he began talking again, his volume increasing with every word until by the end he was screaming, his spittle raining on my face. "And after I'm done with you, you are still going to fucking perform, or I'll cut off your precious little feet, and then you are free to try and run away."

He let go of my hair, grabbed my arm and proceeded to drag me to a nearby pole. He shouted for someone to bring him a length of rope and his whip. Reality dawned on me, and I tried to move my sluggish body to do anything, to say something, but before I could open my mouth I was backhanded, effectively silencing me. Hopelessness crashed down on me, and I accepted my fate. At least this would be less painful in comparison to how I felt when I lost Mana. Comforting myself with that thought I envisioned Mana's face in my mind's eye as he was cursing me, hating me. As such I didn't move an inch when my hands were tied tightly around the pole, or flinch when Leverrier gave his whip an experimental crack, so lost in my mind's terrors was I. But, unfortunately, I do not have good enough fortune, nor a traumatizing enough past to not feel the whip as it tore through my skin.

The pain was fresh, hard and real. It didn't subside into a dull ache after the initial blow, it radiated, and a strangled cry escaped my lips when the whip cracked and my skin ripped open only a few inches above my first wound. As the blows kept coming, my cries didn't get louder, they couldn't. The loudest I could manage was a soft wail. I tried thinking of Mana, to remind myself there are more painful things that I have experienced, but I was failing. Instead, I could only repeat over and over in my head frantically, 'just one more and he'll be done.' 'One more and the pain will stop' *crack* 'I promise I will good, just make it stop' *crack* 'this has to be the last one' *crack*.

My ears were ringing from the loud cracks, and I was at my limit. Just as I was about to beg the ringleader to stop, one last blow licked my lower back, and I was promptly untied. The pain was intense, but I was still relieved even though I knew that my pain was only just beginning. Leverrier grabbed my arm again and I was half dragged back to my tent. When we reached the mouth of the tent, he flipped it open and threw me inside. He addressed Kanda, "Bandage him up, he is performing in 2 days," and left the tent without a backwards glance.

* * *

Laying in the dirt again I closed my eyes. The hard ground was uncomfortable, but I was so tired, so hurt, I didn't care. I heard a deep voice penetrate into my fading consciousness, and I liked the way it vibrated in my chest, deep and assuring. Just as I was about to pass out from exhaustion a hand was placed on my back. Pain coursing through my body I opened my bleary eyes.

My voice was weak. "Ka-Kanda?"

His eyebrows were furrowed, voice flat. "What happened?"

"He thought I was trying to run away." I returned Kanda's gaze, dreamily.

His face became even more pinched, and he looked away from me. After a long moment of silence he spoke, "Where are you injured?"

Not trusting my mouth I sat up slowly and pointed to my face, lifted up my shirt to show my bruised stomach, and gestured towards my back.

He looked at me sternly. "Are you sure that is everything?"

Confusion was etched across my face, and then I looked down and my hands, which were rubbing my wrists, raw after being tied for so long. I let out a soft "Oh."

Lifting my eyes I saw that Kanda had a worn look on his face, but it quickly changed into a look of irritation. His eyes showed a mixture of annoyance and anger, and I lost myself looking into their depths. As such I didn't see the faint blush on his cheeks when he brusquely said, "Take off your clothes."

* * *

**Note****: **So I got my idea about whipping Allen from "The Raging Quiet" by Sherryl Jordan, and "Beloved" by Toni Morrison. Also, it was not my idea to threaten to chop of Allen's feet that would be from George R.R. Martin and from his series "A Song of Ice and Fire." And the last bit was mostly for the rabid fangirls, but I was going to have Allen get naked anyways ;).


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to ReiLuvsAllen, MitarashiiDango, Princess of Oblivion, Zenigami, SNVN for reviewing, it really helped!

Although I say that... this chapter is shorter and took me longer to write because of various things like exhaustion, school work, and club activities. It's true I'm not making stuff up _! Plus I have problems writing when I'm not alone... So I'm going to try to get the next chapter up faster to make up for the delay!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own D gray man. AND THE NEW CHAPTER BY HOSHINO IS OUT XD!

* * *

His eyes showed a mixture of annoyance and anger, and I lost myself looking into their depths. As such I didn't see the faint blush on his cheeks when he brusquely said, "Take off your clothes."

My hands, shaking slowly unbuttoned my once crisp white shirt, which was now covered in dirt and my blood. Looking at the red staining my shirt my head began to swim, and black dots started to flit across my vision. Closing my eyes, I tried not to succumb to the nausea that threatened to engulf me and drag me into unconsciousness. I felt a pair of rough hands brush over mine briefly, I peeked from underneath my eyelashes to see Kanda unbuttoning my shirt for me.

My dizziness seemed to explode, and I closed my eyes as tightly as I could, determined not to faint. I felt my shirt being tugged, and I moved my arms so as Kanda could take my shirt off. I was slowly losing to my pain, nausea and dizziness, and I felt like if I moved myself at all I would start vomiting. So, when I heard Kanda say something to me, I did not move one inch. My nausea was increasing and I focused only on my breathing to try to calm myself.

Suddenly I became hyper aware of all of my injuries, and my breathing began to accelerate, further fueling my terror. Once my breath started ratcheting up and going out of control, I was scooped up and placed face down on something very soft and pleasant. Lying down, my dizziness subsided slightly, and everything became more bearable, well except for the pain in my back.

My mind was beginning to work again, albeit slowly, and I pieced together that I was laying on Kanda's bed. I was a little upset when I realized that the blood covering my face was probably all over his bed, but once I felt the soft blankets underneath me my body became heavy. I couldn't be bothered to move and I would have fallen into a very sound sleep if Kanda hadn't started dabbing at my back.

I felt something cold being pressed into one of the gashes in my back. It hurt, burned a little, even though it was just water. He pressed firmly, and I could hear the systematic sound of dabbing, damping and wringing. I listened, finally focusing most on Kanda's breath, so silent, yet it seemed powerful. My thoughts slowly drifted away from reality, until, I felt a pair of hands tug at my waist band.

My entire body stiffened, and I was suddenly aware of the fact that a man I barely knew was hovering over my body and trying to pull off my pants. Kanda, sensing my discomfort merely said, "Moyashi, your legs are injured." I let out a soft "Oh" and felt even more pathetic, as my loose pants were carefully pulled off. I tried my best to relax my tense body as a cool cloth was pressed into my upper thighs, right below my buttocks, and other equally embarrassing areas.

I tenderly pressed my burning face into what I discovered was a pillow, and agonizingly waited for my treatment to be over. Thankfully it didn't take very long, and the soft fleeting touches were gone, replaced with throbbing of pain, and something I couldn't quite identify radiating from my upper back to my lower thighs. But, before my embarrassment could fully subside I felt Kanda dressing my wounds, and of course he started by applying the gauze on my upper thigh. I was starting to become concerned. My face was flushed and every touch made my skin tingle. His hands felt weird, but I was almost sure that I liked it. No one had ever touched me before. Even with Mana, there was limited physical contact. As the light touches advanced up my back I tried to think back to the last time someone had touched me affectionately. My stomach flipped pathetically when I realized that I couldn't think of anything, and I felt even worse when I realized that although Kanda's touches were gentle and made me feel warm inside, they were not done out of affection, rather they were done out of necessity. I let my misery engulf me, and fell into darkness.

There were voices, hovering over me, circling me. I wasn't dead yet, the vultures can't have me. _What if they will take you before you are dead?_ Terrified, my eyes flew open, and a saw a fuzzy figure standing by the side of the bed.

"Oh it looks like he is awake."

* * *

**Who could it be? :P not telling!**

**P.S. Please review maybe I'll get the next chapter done in a day and a half if you do! :o**


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you LadyDrago88, Moyashi14, Nimadel, MitarashiiDango, and Allen-Is-Mine for reviewing, and a big thanks to moontoga29 for an excellent review!

I hope you like the chapter, I'm trying to control the out of control emoness... tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer: **I don't not own D gray man, and I'm still not over the awesomeness of the new chapter (I love you too Kanda ;))

* * *

"Oh it looks like he is awake."

I stared with wide eyes at the man standing beside my bed. His face was kind, yet something about him disturbed me. Everything was so confusing. Where was I, why did I hurt so much and who was this man? I stared at him with unfocused eyes and muttered, "Who are you?" The least important question, ironically, had slipped out of my mouth first. Though, as my head became less fuzzy, I remembered where I was and why my back was throbbing, making the least important question the only question that was left unanswered.

My eyes finally focusing showed me a peculiar man with glinting spectacles. A wolfish grin appeared on his face when he saw that he had my attention, and he introduced himself, quite peculiarly. "Hello how are you doing today? My name is Komui Lee and I am the circus's physician."

I stared at him blankly. "How does it look like I'm doing?"

Nonchalantly he took a sip of his coffee. "I suppose that question was a bit superfluous, but it is good to start introductions with the proper formalities."

I gave him my most serious look I could muster and said, "Nice to met you, I am Allen Walker." I held out my deformed hand for him to shake.

To my surprise he took it willingly and gave my hand a gently shake, careful not to jostle me too much. He smiled genuinely at me and repeated, "So how are you doing today?"

I was silent for a moment as I assessed how I was exactly. "I have a slight headache, but aside from the pain I am obviously feeling, I feel fine."

Komui looked stunned, and shook his head in disbelief. "What I meant to ask you was how much pain are you in?"

My lips pouted as I pondered his question. "What do you mean? I don't know how much pain I am in."

His shocked face turned into one of confusion. He had a concerned look on his face and he suddenly turned dead serious. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

My head was starting to hurt. "I'm sorry it's just I'm having trouble figuring out what you want exactly. I guess it's a five? I'm not sure."

"Is it really that difficult of a question?"

"Well, yes. No one has asked me to quantify my pain before so it's kind of hard to do when put on the spot."

He sighed, "Just tell me if you feel dizzy or if you are in more pain than usual. I need to go to work, but my sister should stop by in a little while to help you."

I smiled at him. "Thank you very much Komui."

"You're welcome, but you should thank Kanda, not me, he did most of the work."

* * *

Komui left the tent and I slowly stretched my limbs. The pain across my back and upper legs intensified, and I relaxed my body with a frustrated sigh. Only then did I realize that I was practically naked underneath a thin blanket. My face flushed a dark red, and I looked around to see if I was alone. Unfortunately I was not.

Kanda was standing in a corner and glaring at one of his swords that was across from him. It looked like he was engaged in some internal conflict, and I decided it would be best if I stayed out of it. But then again, I only had on my underwear, so perhaps it would be best to say something.

I called out softy trying not to disturb him. "Hey Kanda."

He was angry nonetheless. "What Baka-moyashi?"

I let his insults slide, first things first. "Where are my clothes?"

He seemed to be perturbed by my question, though it was barely noticeable, and I started to feel very uneasy. "Komui threw those clothes out."

"What? But, those are my only clothes!"

He snickered. "It looks like you are going to have to walk around in your underwear."

I gaped at him, my stomach flopped pathetically. "This can't be happening. Is there nothing I can wear?"

His smirk widened. "There is something, but it depends, do you want to look like a clown?"

"Well, I technically am a clown, so yes."

Moving swiftly he flung open a closet door and proceeded to throw pants and a shirt at me. "Take these, they are the worst clothes I have, enjoy."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Thank you for you kindness."

My main goal now being to become clothed I sat up slowly. As I moved the gashes in my back were pulled, and nauseating pain swept over me. Nonetheless, I continued to move even as I felt my wounds ooze blood. Before I could grab the shirt, I felt a forceful hand clamp down on my shoulder and push me down on the bed.

"Are you daft? Lay down and stay put. I didn't patch you up just so you could fuck yourself up again."

"Fine, I just don't like being naked, so if you won't let me move, at least allow me to put a shirt on."

"What do you want me to do it for you?"

"No, just hand me the shirt and I'll do it myself."

"Oh really? And then will you start gushing blood, sounds like a good plan to me."

"I just want to have a shirt on, what's the big deal?"

"Fine stop whining you ass! I'll do it for you."

"... Are you sure?"

"Yes, just don't ask me again."

Lifting me like I was a child, Kanda put me in an upright position and started pulling the sleeves onto my arms. As he pulled the sleeve up my left arm he stared uncomfortably my black scaly skin, sending shivers up my spine. Again the intensity of his stare confused me, making my head throb and bile rise up in my throat. I wrenched my arm away from him, and preceded to button the shirt up with shaky hands. 'Has buttoning always been so hard?' My vision was blurry, and the shaking in my hands intensified. Wordlessly, Kanda smacked my hands away buttoned up my shirt, and shoved me face down onto the mattress. As my face collided with the soft material, I heard the whoosh of the tent flap being lifted, hurried footsteps and a sharp whack. Kanda's hand was no longer pressing down on the back of my neck, and I looked warily up to see the new intruder. It was a girl. Furthermore, it was a girl who seemed normal. Very shocking considering I had only met people who were sadistic, homicidal, crazy, and insane.

Praying that my intuition was correct I gave her a small smile and said, "Hello."

Once she caught sight of my face her face exploded into a smile. "Hello, you must be Allen, my brother told me about you. Oh, by the way I am Lenalee Lee."

Her cheerfulness was contagious, and as my smile began to widen I winced.

"Are you all right? Your face is still swollen, but I think we should set your nose soon."

I grinned crookedly, "Will it hurt?"

Her face darkened. "Only a little bit. Though it wouldn't hurt to drink some whiskey before Komui sets it."

"I'd rather not." Just the mention of alcohol sent my mind hurling into the dark abyss where hammers and debt collectors lived and breed fantastic nightmares. Visibly shivering I sent Lenalee a dark look, and she nodded her head in agreement.

Satisfied with our introduction, Lenalee spun on her heel and preceded to whack Kanda on the head. "What were you thinking? He is injured! Were you trying to break his face again?"

I glanced at Kanda, my face flush with embarrassment, but his, his face was livid. "This little fuck got the shit beaten out of him, it has nothing to do with me."

The color drained from my face and I glared defiantly at Kanda. "Actually it does have something to do with you! In case you have forgotten, I am your assistant, and if you don't want to be assistant-less than you'd better not break my nose again!"

He roughly grabbed the shirt I was wearing. "You little shit."

Whack. Lenalee had hit Kanda in the head with the clipboard she was carrying and scowled at him. "Don't touch him." She began walking away, without turning around she said, "Follow me."

Anger flashing in his eyes, Kanda followed her, violence apparent in his every step. The tent was silent. I sighed and laid back down trying to relax my aching body. This new place was too much, and it was beginning to overwhelm me. Now that my thoughts were free to wander, they stumbled upon Mana. The pain was still fresh and painful after all of these years, but maybe now I could walk some path. The way was still shrouded, but I felt that in the near future something of importance would happen. Considering how horrible it was now, it could only get better.

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**Hmm less emo? Perhaps...**

**Please review! 3**


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you to moontoga29, sam, ArleneLee, Lord Makura, Nimadel for reviewing chapter four! And of course thank you to all of the people who favorited my story! Yeah it's kind of been awhile... well that's because I have to be the Vice-President of a club that suddenly has 100 members... fun fun fun! But, I will try my hardest to write more because firstly it's fun to write and secondly I love D gray man tremendously! Oh by the way...

**Disclaimer:** Sadly no matter how much I love DGM I will never own it... unless I find Katsura Hoshino and give her monies for it...

* * *

It was afternoon and I was starving. The last time I had eaten had been before my punishment, and that was a long enough time to make me ravenous. Stepping tenderly out of the tent, the sun beat down on my head, forcing me to blink my eyes to adjust to the contrast. Although I have a horrible sense of direction, something as important as food was easy enough for me to find. If I got lost I rationalized that I would just follow my nose, if worst comes to worst I would ask someone for directions. Surprisingly I found the tent where they served meals. 'Today might actually be a good day.' Walking in slowly I stood in line patiently. While waiting I stared at a nearby table, I looked at it as if it would reveal to me some deeper meaning that I was missing in my life. As such, I did not hear the pitter patter of footsteps behind me. An over exuberant Lavi hugged me from behind, draping himself around my small frame. Apparently my luck had run out once I came here.

"Lavi get off of me now." My voice was laced with pain and I struggled to stay standing.

Lavi instead gave me a light hug, which brought our bodies flush together. "Why are you being so mean to me Allen?"

Even though it was a light touch, the pain was still there. "Lavi ... you are hurting me."

He started at my resigned tone and let go of me to look at my face. "Why would a hug hurt you?"

I grimaced, and averted my gaze, that rock on the floor was much more interesting than Lavi's face. "I'd rather not talk about it."

I heard Lavi huff, and supposed I had now made this would-be friend angry. "Well, if you are not going to tell me then I guess I have no reason not hug you?"

I looked up at that comment, and Lavi had a huge smile plastered on his face. "I'm sorry Lavi, just don't touch my back... I injured it."

His smile didn't change, but suddenly it seemed a lot more genuine. "See Allen that was easy! So does that mean I'm allowed to touch anything as long as it's not your back?"

'Maybe having Lavi in good spirits isn't such a good thing...' I smiled brightly at him, "I am very sorry to say this, but, no way in hell."

Lavi pretended to look crestfallen, "Come on Allen, why do you have to be so mean to me?" He even let some tears escape his eyes for an added effect.

Lavi's dramatic performance made me laugh, and I was starting to feel optimistic again. "I guess I am just a mean person!"

All of a sudden Lavi's face became serious. My stomach flopped, and I realized that although Lavi may act insane, he certainly knows what's going on. "Allen, how did you hurt your back?"

I looked into his eyes for a while, trying to see if I could find an acceptable answer reflected there, but unfortunately, all I could do was try my best to lie. "Well, you know how Kanda has a lot of swords in his room?"

Lavi's eye twitched a bit, and I wondered if he could see through my lie yet. After a moment he merely nodded, encouraging me to continue.

I placed a bashful smile on my face and rubbed the back of my neck with my hand. "I'm really clumsy, and I tripped and ended up cutting my back on one of his swords. It's really embarrassing..."

Lavi's eyes seemed to harden. "All of Yu's swords are sheathed in his room."

'Ah, so Lavi is the observant type ... this sucks.' I widened my eyes in surprise. "Really? Then why were so many of his swords uncovered...? Maybe he was hoping that I would hurt myself, and then he thought that I wouldn't want to room with him anymore!" My fist meet my hand decisively, as if I had just solved a murder case.

I looked at Lavi, praying that I had convinced him, but now he only looked at me skeptically. "How did you get that broken nose then? Did you trip and fall on your face?"

I laughed nervously and stuttered out, "H-H-How did you know?"

As if Lavi had a time limit for each of his personalities, he smiled gently at me. Placing a firm hand on my shoulder he said, "It's okay Allen, you aren't the first person to hurt themselves after getting hired." And with that, he walked away leaving me to order my food and eat in silence.

* * *

The food inside my stomach, instead of granting me energy, made me exhausted, and I dragged my tired bones back to Kanda's tent. I stepped tentatively inside, and I saw that the other man was here as well. Trying my best to have him ignore my presence I walked quietly and sat down on my pallet on the floor. As I made myself more comfortable he suddenly turned around to face me. Glaring down at me he walked closer until he was looming over me.

I looked weakly up at him, "What do you want Kanda?"

He merely stared at me.

I sighed, the silence was starting to get to me, it fueled anger in me which was something I had not experienced much of before, it made me feel powerful. "Why are you here?" And then I muttered underneath my breath, "You dumb fuck."

Kanda's face contorted into rage, and it fit him frighteningly well. "Moyashi, you care to repeat that last statement?"

Satisfied with this response I let a small smile creep onto my lips. I looked up innocently and said, "I just was wondering why you were standing here?" I repeated I little bit louder than last time, "dumb fuck..."

With that he grabbed me roughly by the collar, and I grimaced as the cloth pressed into the wounds on my back. He brought my face close to his and he spat out through gritted teeth, "I was going to set your fucking nose, but since you are being such a bitch maybe I should punch your fucking nose instead!"

I chuckled nervously, and mumbled a hasty apology. It seemed to have appeased Kanda a little bit because he let me go, and he seemed to have become less agitated. He pushed down on my shoulders indicating for me to sit and squatted in front of me. He gripped my head firmly with one hand keeping it still, and grasped my nose with his other hand. Without giving me a warning he popped my nose back into place, and pain radiated throughout my face. My eyes were watering and as he put a splint on my nose, I could have sworn he cracked the tiniest smile at the sight of my ridiculous face. I wasn't sure whether I should be offended or happy for eliciting such a response from him. After he finished, he told me to follow him, and so I did.

* * *

He lead me to a flat patch of dirt in an uninhabited part of the circus. He turned to me and slowly unsheathed one of his swords. He assumed a fighting stance, and I suddenly feared for my life.

* * *

**Yeah about the cliffhanger, I'm a bit sorry, but do you really want to wait another two days because that's how long it would take me to write the last part. Well I will try to be awesome this weekend! Maybe I will update faster? Who knows...**


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to Ana, Nimadel, and Lord Makura for reviewing, and the people who favorited... I think there were some? And, Ana, this is kind of funny, but I actually had already planned to make someone a contortionist, so you win.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM. :'(

**Warning:** Kanda swears, once.

* * *

Kanda lunged at me, his pony tail whipped out behind him. I leapt out of the way quickly, and raised my hands, to show my unwillingness to fight. In response to my show of passiveness, Kanda's movements became faster, and I could barely dodge the shining blade as it whisked past my face. As suddenly as it began, it stopped. Kanda sheathed his blade, but had assumed a different fighting stance. I was wary, incredibly so, my nerves were so on edge that I could feel everything. The ache in my chest, the sweat dripping down my neck. Though, out of all the sensations, the pain in my back had taken it's place forefront in my mind, as it rightfully should. My wounds were leaking blood, and as I twisted my body to dodge more blows, it became worse.

Just as my back twinged painfully, Kanda rushed towards me his sword still sheathed. As he came into striking distance I saw him pull out his blade in a flash, the sharp edge glimmered as it closed in on it's target, and I tripped over my feet in haste and landed ungracefully on my back. Kanda had his sword pressing into my neck, but I barely registered that fact. My back was on fire, and the dusty air had aggravated my lungs, making my breath raspy. I started coughing, and it hurt so badly, no matter how much I wanted to stop I couldn't, and soon tears were mingled with my coughs, as my helplessness and pain reached a level I could not handle. I saw Kanda, through bleary eyes, and he looked very uncertain. That frightened me. His face might look more beautiful that way, but now was not a good time for him to be plagued with uncertainty. He removed his sword from my neck, and roughly grabbed my arm and lifted me up. My coughs had subsided somewhat, and had been replaced with dry shallow breaths.

He looked at me sternly and asked, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I mustered up my most angry expression and returned, "What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you! Why did you attack me?" My voice had slowly lost it's volume as my tirade became intermingled with coughing.

He huffed, "Practice." Averting my gaze all the while.

"Practice?" I let my anger boil over. "You almost killed me for the sake of practice? What am I some plaything to you?"

He stared at me, he seemed...upset? "Yes, practice, because we have to perform in two days." He smirked, "Or are you so stupid that you forgot?"

I don't know if his triumphant smirk was supposed to reassure me, but it did not. The blood rushed out of my face, and I felt sick all of a sudden. "Oh, well..."

He rolled his eyes at me. "If you are going to say something then say it."

My eyes trembling, I looked at his face. "What am I going to do?"

He broke away from my gaze, as if the helplessness there hurt him physically. "What do you mean?"

His voice held no emotion, and with his face turned I could not see whether his face was emotionless as well. "If I don't do well...he is going to cut off my feet and stick me in a cage." I said in the softest voice I could manage.

Before I knew what was happening, Kanda had lifted me up and thrown me over his shoulder.

I managed to squeak out, "Wha-Wha-What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He snapped out angrily.

I was too tired and hurt to fight him, so I just let him carry me wherever he wished.

* * *

Kanda had carried me back to the tent, took off my shirt, changed my bandages, and left without a backward glance. I laid on my stomach. I was exhausted, but somehow I could not bring myself to sleep. My pallet on the ground was comfortable, much more so than what I was used to. Cross usually had me sleep on the hard wooden floor in the cheap boarding houses he would rent, but more often than not I would sleep outside. I was always kicked out when he brought whores back with him, and that frightening glare he gave me told me that I was responsible for the cost of said whore. Those nights, I would beg for money, do the most despicable jobs, steal, and for what? All so Cross would have enough money for another prostitute, and I would have to spend another night gathering money, the only safe place for me to sleep being a dark alley infested with rats. This was much better, I did have to worry about my new master, but I was freed of Cross, and for that, at least, I was grateful.

Sighing I picked myself off of the ground and contemplated what it was that I actually had to do. My performance would be affected because of my injuries, but if I didn't know what the routine was in the first place, it would be a flop. Kanda had merely attacked me. Was that routine, Kanda attacks and I dodge? I don't know, and what I think it could be maybe very far from the truth. I need to find someone who knows. Pulling on my boots and slipping on a shirt I exited the tent; my search had begun.

* * *

It was going as well as I thought it would. The only place I knew how to get to was the cafeteria, and there was no one I knew there, making it hard for me to solve my dilemma. Still feeling tired, and somewhat hopeless, I merely wandered around, getting myself more and more lost as I counted the pebbles on the ground, paying no attention to my surroundings. I looked up when I saw a pair of boots on the ground and was surprised to see Lenalee to be their owner.

She smiled sweetly at me, and politely asked, "Where are you heading to Allen?"

I smiled sheepishly, "Oh, no where in particular."

"Really?"

"Yes, actually I was just wandering around and now I have no idea where I am."

She laughed, which made my stomach twinge in embarrassment. "Don't worry I can help you find your way back."

I smiled, just like the gentleman I pretended to be. "Thank you very much, I appreciate it. By the way Lenalee, I have a problem and I was wondering if you could help me?"

My genteel facade had apparently stunned her, and she was quite receptive to my request. "Of course! I would love to help you."

I sighed, gathering my thoughts together. "Well, as you know, I am Kanda's assistant, but I have just realized that I have no idea how I am supposed to assist him."

She smiled widely. "Well, that's easy, Kanda tries to kill you and you barely escape death; the audience loves it!"

I still smiled, but my face had lost it's color. "Oh, you are right, that is easy to do." I began laughing uneasily. "Do mind showing me back to my tent Lenalee?"

Her face was still beaming, and I found it slightly unsettling. "Of course Allen, just follow me."

She swiftly walked past me, and I struggled to keep up with her. After a few moments she turned to talk to me, but seeing that I was five feet behind her, she slowed her pace, and giggled to herself.

"I'm sorry Allen, I didn't know I was going that fast."

"It's no problem, you must excuse me, I am a little tired."

"Then I will walk nice and slow just for you Allen!"

I murmured, "Thank you."

She smiled yet again, and I was beginning to tire from her relentless cheerfulness. "So Allen, I don't know at lot about you. What brings you to our circus?"

I inwardly grimaced, trying my best to look cheerful as I said, "Well, my former guardian had accumulated some debts, so he sold me here to avoid debtors prison."

I had finally managed to wipe the smile from her face, but she still managed to remain somewhat cheerful. "That's horrible, but I think that the circus is much better than being stuck in debtors prison with your guardian."

I genuinely smiled, and I saw her blush. "You are definitely right! I have been wondering Lenalee, what do you do here exactly?"

She suddenly stopped walking and pulled one of her legs up and put it behind her head. "I'm a contortionist!" She proclaimed triumphantly.

I started laughing at her and said, "Do you plan on walking like that?"

She joined me in my laughter and said, "Maybe, but, you would have to slow down a bit."

I began laughing almost hysterically, and I enjoyed the feeling. As I walked with Lenalee, talking about inconsequential things, I felt lifted. My cheerful facade was easier maintain, maybe because I was finally feeling a little bit of happiness; my first taste of it in three years.

* * *

**Please review, pretty please with sugar on top. I need feedback... rawr.**


	7. Chapter 7

So it's been awhile... sorry. In a nutshell at first I didn't know what to write, and then mid-semester kind of took a crap on my face, I hope I can continue a more regular updating schedule, but most likely my updates with be short, or far apart. STUPID COLLEGE! On a side note thanks for everyone who reviewed and favorited, even though my last chapter sucked! This one has more angst in it, and everyone likes angst, oh and implied sexual tension, everyone likes that too! Oh btw I just had surgery so I'm on some happy pain pills so that's why my author's note is ridiculous.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own D. Gray man, and I want the new chapter to come out so I can see the suffering children again!

* * *

The next day.

I had become painfully nervous. The butterflies in my stomach had mated and laid their eggs yesterday; now their young had hatched and they were gnawing at my insides. What was I going to do? All options open to me felt like they would each end in failure. This compounded with my earlier failure at practice, lead to my growing feelings of dread. It has been a very long time since people have expected anything out of me when performing, my last real performance being with Mana. I hate how this place always dredges up so many painful memories. Frustrated, I picked myself off the pallet, and walked swiftly out of the tent to try to escape Kanda's notice. Fortune was not with me as he called over to me, using that hated name.

"Oi Moyashi."

Sighing, I said exasperatedly, "What?"

"Where the hell are you going?"

"Why do you care?"

"For all I know you could be running off somewhere to kill yourself."

Rolling my eyes at him I answered, "I'm just going to the big top."

His silence bade me farewell, and I had to tear my gaze off of him, and, yes, it had to be torn else I would have probably just stood there ogling at him with fish eyes. I walked quickly towards the big top, the afternoon sun beating down on my head, making me feel exposed. The big top was actually huge, which helped me not lose my way for once. As I approached the tent my pace slowed and I let my thoughts meander about. I had only been at the circus for two days, yet time seemed to pass strangely here. Two days felt like a week and a half, and if this was how it was all the time I would die young before I paid off my debts. Well, I would be as good as dead if I didn't get my act together by tomorrow. It was so difficult, every time I thought back to what I usually did in a performance it made me think of Mana. It hurt, just thinking about it, so I stopped thinking once Mana's blood stained face appeared in my mind.

I had entered the cool dark interior of the tent, and I could hear Lavi practicing violin somewhere. Unlike the first day, the music was happy, in some major key, and it sounded stereotypically classical. So much for only playing scary music...

I tread softly into the middle of the dirt ring and slowly raised my hands to the ceiling. I threw my head back when my arms reached their zenith. It felt strange having all of those empty seats stare at me, but I liked it, it filled me with a mixture of dread and excitement that I hadn't felt in years. And, oh, did it feel good. I chuckled lightly to myself and did a cartwheel. When I landed, I noticed my back was sore, but not painfully so, it was a good hurt. Smirking to myself I started walking on my hands, my legs swinging goofily over my head.

After a few more tricks I fell to the ground laughing hysterically. I was still laughing until I saw a pair of feet right next to my head. Sitting up quickly I grimaced as my wounds stretched. I looked straight into Kanda's eyes surprised to see him here, but I was more surprised to find that his eyes were a deep blue. Realizing that I was staring I snapped out of my reverie. I took another look at Kanda and realized that he was scowling at me. As he loomed over me his superiority became grossly apparent. I stood up and his scowl deepened. Annoyance crept unto my features and I crossed my arms to give myself the illusion of power.

I asked, "Why did you follow me here?" The annoyance had already crept into my voice.

Gruffly he responded, "Practice."

I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a small nod to answer his statement. As soon as he processed my nod he drew his sword and attacked.

Today was different, his glimmering sword was nothing to me, not even a toy, it was air, imaginary. I glided through the air, and the seats watched me; I felt their eyes boring into me from all angles. It felt great.

I skipped, hopped, tumbled, and finally ended up crouching on a humongous circus ball, the kind that elephants use. Kanda couldn't hit me easily from my position, nor could he damage the equipment. It seemed as if I had won. Chuckling evilly I did a handstand on the ball and stuck my tongue out at him. He merely returned a smirk that was just as evil, and lightly nudged the ball with his foot. My hands scrambled madly to regain balance, but I ended up falling to the ground with a soft groan. Kanda's smirk was still stuck in place as he pressed one of his swords into my neck, the other lightly touching my gut.

I looked at him with pleading eyes and said, "I lost?"

His answer was to press the swords a little harder into my flesh. Just as I was about to complain, he sheathed his swords and roughly hoisted me up. Again I was staring at him, and noticed he was suddenly very interested in the spot of dirt on his pants. After a while he said to me, while scratching his nose, "Tomorrow you better not do worse than you did today." I could tell he was trying his hardest to sound bitter and annoyed, but as he hurriedly walked away, I couldn't help the smile that erupted across my face, a smile that burned into his back as he walked into the afternoon sun.

* * *

Lying on the cool dirt in the center of the ring I sighed dreamily as I listened to Lavi play. The songs he was playing were beautiful, and I had not felt a lazy peace like this for sometime. Though, this peace I was feeling was merely an illusion, woven for me by Lavi's skillful hands. Kanda. There was a problem. Why can't I stop staring at him? He is so incredibly annoying! And since I clearly annoy him as well, I don't get why he is being so _nice_. Is "nice" even the right word? I need to stop staring at him, it's creepy. But, he has such a pure face. He is going to kill me if I don't stop, the only reason I feel this way is because he is the only person who has touched me nicely...for as long as I can remember. Well, at least there is no Cross here. Oh that's what I can do! I should pretend Kanda is Cross then I won't want to stare at him ever again! It's perfect! Huh? What's a boot doing above my face?

I started as the boot came crashing down next to my face.

The ringleader glowered down at me and barked, "GET UP!"

I scampered to my feet and was promptly slapped across the face. My ears burned with rage.

He gave me a severe look and brusquely said, "Follow me."

He walked quickly using the full length of his long legs, causing me to jog to keep pace with him. I was lead to the backstage area of the big top, and was suddenly surrounded by clothing.

The ringleader turned to me, looking condescendingly at my clothes, "Although you look like a fool in those clothes, if I am to expect the audience to judge you fairly, I will grant you use of a costume and stage make up."

He stared at me like he expected a response, so I nodded my head vigorously and bowed deeply.

Satisfied he left, leaving me in a room filled with clothes. Although the ringleader had lead me here, it wasn't an altogether bad place. The costumes were all hung up neatly, and were of good quality. I walked slowly around the room, until I found the perfect clown suit. It was white, almost silver, and understated, if that was possible for a clown's outfit. Sure it would make me look obese, but I was supposed to look comical. Sighing I carefully folded the costume and quickly grabbed any sort of make up. The outfit I had chosen was just like the one Mana used to wear, and my heart squeezed painfully. The afternoon sun was already setting as I walked towards my shared tent.

* * *

After carefully hanging up my costume and putting the make up away in a safe place, I stood idly, marveling at the artistry of the swords that surrounded the room. My cheek was lightly throbbing, and anything positive that had happened today had been forgotten from my encounter with the ringleader. The man terrified me. Not only did he bring back memories of my humiliating beating, but also he shoved my past in my face. I felt like crying, and the larvae in my stomach were gnawing with more vigor than before; I felt sick. I dragged my feet over to the pallet on the ground and hunched over on it, burying my face in my arms, not caring how weak I looked. I hated when I felt like this. I felt so empty, and sad. Literally everything I had here was not mine. The clothes, the pallet, the food, I didn't even own my body anymore. Even if I ran away, I would not own myself. Thinking back on it, I had never really been free. I had always been claimed by someone, even if that someone was as wonderful as Mana, he was my world, and I was tied to him. Without someone to be my master, I am useless. No matter how much I drowned in self-pity, I could not cry. How was I supposed to cry about myself when I did not care for myself? I embraced this empty and weak feeling, and didn't move an inch when I heard Kanda enter.

I could feel his eyes on me, and he stopped moving, he was just standing there staring at me. I was filled with so much apathy that my skin didn't even prickle under his scrutiny, I just remained unmoving. Apparently two objects at rest cannot stay at rest forever, so Kanda walked closer to me and stopped right in front of me. His peculiar behavior was slowly drawing me out of my apathy, and beginning to make me annoyed, but as he gripped my hair and thrust my face upward the emotion that filled me instead was rage. He merely surveyed my contorted features for a moment, ignored my hands trying to tear his grip away, and promptly let go of my hair and sat down on his bed.

His face was serious, and I really didn't care, I merely rolled my eyes at this new facade. Nonetheless, he opened his mouth and asked, "Who hit you?"

I was still angry and sullen, so I didn't answer.

He sighed, it was a frustrated sigh, and I felt childish. "Leverrier?"

I half shrugged, showing my disinterest in the conversation. I peeked at Kanda through my bangs searching for his reaction. He was furious, his hands clenched the fabric on his bed and his teeth were gritted. He was very close to his limit, and if I didn't want to get maimed then I should stop playing with him. Too bad I don't care about myself.

His voice was shaking, and he spoke through gritted teeth. "Moyashi, if you don't answer me I will hurt you worse than Leverrier did."

I still didn't answer, instead I just gave him a small little smile, and in that instant he lunged at me. He pinned me down on top of the pallet before I had realized he had moved, and was tearing at my shirt. I started panicking, and was soon kicking and shoving as he ripped off the buttons with one hand and pulled down the shirt to reveal my left arm. Once he had my shirt open, he stopped his movements, but still kept me immobilized. I felt so horribly exposed, the only thing I could do was to turn my head to the side, to hide my scar, and my shocked face.

Kanda's face was close to my ear, and his voice was soft, "Moyashi, you are going to answer my questions, or I am going to have to drag you around and show your deformed arm to everyone?" There was a brief pause, where I willed my body to go completely still. "Understand?" Kanda's grip tightened as he waited for my reply.

A small nod was the only affirmation Kanda received.

He grip loosened slightly, "Good, now did Leverrier hit you?"

A nod even smaller than before.

"Why?" I felt the spit land softly on my cheek.

I shrugged, apparently this wasn't good enough because Kanda's grip became bone crushing again, so I said softly, "He doesn't like me."

He snorted, "Really, that's the reason?"

I rolled my eyes, and said, "Perhaps I didn't get up fast enough for him. He told me to get up and then hit me."

Kanda seemed angry again. "Fine. Then I have another question. What were you dreaming about your first day here?"

My body stiffened. "I'd rather not say."

His free hand grabbed my chin and wrenched it sideways to meet his eyes. "You have no choice."

I stared at him shamelessly, given the circumstances I could stare, finally I took a deep breath and averted my eyes. "It was a reoccurring nightmare I have."

Kanda's grip tightened, I would have to go on.

I breathed sharply through my nose forcing myself to go on. "In the dream my foster father and I are at the circus, and we are performing on stage." After this, the lump in my throat made me put a break in my story.

Kanda's grip loosened slightly, and surprisingly he said, "Go on."

I gulped and I felt my body shaking slightly. "After that, usually I see my foster father burst into flames, and watch him slowly die."

Kanda was silent. "Is he dead?"

I sighed. "Yes, I saw him die three years ago, it was my fault."

I felt the force of his glare on me. "How could a child as weak as you are have been responsible?"

I returned his gaze weakly and simply stated, "Because I was so weak."

He seemed perturbed. "Fine, one more question. Explain your freaky appearance."

I stared at him. "Really?"

He averted my gaze and it seemed as if he was blushing, but it was hard to tell in the dying sunlight.

"Well, my arm has always been like this since I can remember, but I can't remember anything that happened before I was five years old, so it might not be a birth defect, but I always assumed it was."

He was staring at my face, my scar.

I sighed, feeling drained as I had to bring up Mana again. "My hair turned white after my foster father died, and as Mana was dying he gave me this scar. That's everything so I will not answer any more of your questions."

Kanda had yet to remove his gaze from my face, from my body, and my face was beginning to grow hot. I realized that he had been straddling me the entire time, and that his grip had slackened. I merely lay there like a doll though, gazing at the ceiling, and relishing in this contact that my body was starved for. I shivered when I felt his hand lightly touch my deformed arm, from my thumb to the inside of my elbow. For some reason I felt like crying; the only other thing that had touched my hand without disgust had been an old dog. I quickly turned my head as I felt my tears spill over. As if on cue Kanda stood up, walked to his bed, and pretended to go to sleep. I faced away from him and let my body become wracked with sobs, not even attempting to hide my pain. Kanda had hurt me worse than Leverrier, yet I didn't begrudge him for that. I curled up, and my pitiful mind somehow fell into an uneasy sleep.

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**Please review, cause I tried something different this time, tell me if it's better or worse, or if I have inconsistent tone and switch voices randomly D:**


	8. Chapter 8

Hopefully you didn't have to wait too long, I finally figured out a good way to write so I think that my updates will be a lot more regular, that is until finals week... also once summer comes that means I will have tons of free time! Hopefully you enjoy this one as much as my last chapter, and thank you so much for everyone who favorited/alerted and definitely thanks to those who reviewed! I think I also got an author alert...?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own D. Gray man, thus am I a sad, sad person.

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I woke to the sun shining painfully in my face. Groaning, I gingerly lifted myself up to survey my still foreign surroundings, and saw, to my great relief, that Kanda was not here. Cheered, I hurried myself along to breakfast. As I sat chewing my meal, the events of last night slowly flickered across my mind. Kanda had gone too far, much too far. I tried to console myself that he was able to do all that he did because of my weakened mental state, but I knew that he would have been able to do it even if that was not the case. This revelation frightened me. It was as if Kanda was replacing Leverrier as my master, and I did not like it one bit.

Gulping down the remnants of my greasy egg, I walked swiftly back to Kanda's tent. Outside it, I saw Lavi peering cautiously in through a hole in the fabric.

Trying to sound harmless I said, "Lavi, what are you doing?"

Lavi looked shocked at my sudden appearance and started to nervously rub the back of his neck. "Just making sure that Yu doesn't have a Boogeyman underneath his bed."

Skepticism was laced in my voice. "Oh really?"

Lavi stopped pretending to be nervous and a huge grin suddenly snapped onto his face. "No, not really. It's tradition that I pester Yu the day of a show, but it's also tradition that he avoids me."

"Where is he?" I could not keep my expression from becoming very serious as I waited for the answer.

Lavi seemed unperturbed by the sudden change in my mood, and with no hesitation he answered, "He usually mediates in the forest, and no one disturbs him, or you might lose an eye." He gave me a hearty wink with his uncovered eye. "Why do you need to know?"

A maniacal grin finally found its way onto my face. "We are overdue for a chat."

* * *

Briskly walking through camp I pounded my way to the forest, trying to keep a firm hold on my self-righteous anger. My steps faltered as I entered the quiet sanctuary of the forest. The forest, rather Kanda's forest, was beautiful, a lush green, lush to my eyes even though it was stained in soot. This new setting made me feel uneasy. I was too used to the dirty London streets to feel at ease amidst this lush foliage. Slowly, I put one foot in front of the other, careful not to displace a single twig. As I wandered aimlessly, I felt as if the forest might swallow me up; the sun, so fierce outside, was reduced to a weak buttery yellow. The sounds of the forest kept drawing me in deeper, and dread pooled in my stomach as the huge trees surrounded me, the green finally blotting out the sun.

This peace scared me, so I disrupted it, I rushed toward the nearest pool of light and halted when I saw black hair glistening in the sunlight. My heart leapt into my throat, and I braced myself, willing my anger to come flowing back to me; to give me strength. I stepped into the sunlight, and the peace was broken. Kanda's eyes flashed open and he scowled angrily at me.

"Why are you here?"

I gulped and breathed in deeply, willing my voice not to crack. "We need to talk."

He rolled his eyes at me; he was already disinterested. "This couldn't wait?"

I set my jaw. "No, it can't wait. What happened last night-"

Gruffly, he cut me off. "Is in the past."

My anger flowed, and clouded my judgement. It gave me power as I felt myself explode. "I will not allow you to dismiss it! I do not want you to invade my personal boundaries ever again!"

My assertiveness only served to annoy Kanda further. "And how am I supposed to know what those are?"

My vision was blurry and the light bouncing off of Kanda made him look angelic. "Just shut up and listen! I don't want you to do that ever again! Do not touch my arm, my face; do not rip off-"

"FINE! I will never touch you again. Now leave me in peace."

Startled by this sudden outburst I slowly retreated into the deep green dark of the forest, and left the unsettling peace behind.

* * *

As I applied the white makeup to my face, I pondered if Kanda would actually be true to his word. His declaration would be a hard one to keep, though, somehow I felt like he would be true to his word. There was something in his voice, a tension I had not heard in him before, it was as if a string had snapped, and now I felt the wound that it had inflicted. I felt ... disappointment? I feared his touch, it was too much, yet now that I knew what human contact felt like, I felt a profound sense of loss. I doubted anyone else at the circus would replace Kanda as a source of contact. It's not as if I was looking for liaisons-I shuddered, Cross flashed across my mind-I only wanted something as simple as a hand on the shoulder; a light hug, bodies barely touching. It was these things I now longed for, yet any prospect of having my wishes granted I had just thrown away.

* * *

Offstage Kanda and I stood apart, waiting for our cue. It seemed as if Kanda had extended his vow of no physical contact to no verbal contact. That all too familiar feeling crept into my stomach as I felt my existence be ignored. Through the musty fabric I heard Lavi's violin strings slap furiously. That was our cue. Leading the way, I waddled out, the costume hindering my movements, Kanda cringed at my spectacle and separated himself from me.

Reaching the center of the arena the lights blared down on my face, I could feel my makeup melting and the jeering eyes of the audience sent chills down my back. I felt as if I was on fire; just how I had felt that night. Feverish shaking tore throughout my body and black splotches flitted across my vision. As the world began spinning in front of my eyes, I heard music cut through the heat.

The music moved me, made my body lurch and do fantastic things. Mad cackling surrounded me and a shining blade interrupted my vision. All sound stopped. Suddenly the only thing that existed was that shining sword. It was so beautiful, I was compelled to dance with it. Closer and closer I let it come, till I felt blood trickle down my face. The lights, the heat, the crowd, Kanda, everything came rushing back into focus. Lavi was playing our cue to leave. I tripped and rolled my way offstage, being chased by Kanda all the while.

* * *

I was sitting in a cool corner waiting for my judgement to arrive. The show was not over, yet everyone was obligated to stay till the very end. I felt better since I had changed into Kanda's baggy hand-me-downs and taken off the cakey make up. Kanda was near me, but he ignored my presence and glared daggers at everyone else. I saw an impeccably shined shoe peep its way out of the curtain and I knew that my time had come.

I hastily stood up and brushed the dirt off my pants. Leverrier saw me almost immediately and headed straight towards me. As he came closer I saw that he had a blank look in his eyes, and my stomach sank quickly and my legs buckled. He roughly grabbed me by the hair and dragged me forcibly outside. The cool night air slapped across my face as I struggled to walk normally. His pace was brisk and before I knew it I was already indoors again. I heard the metallic creaking of a door and saw a flurry of color as I was thrown head first into a small cage. Before I could escape, the ringleader had already locked me in. He sneered at me, obviously satisfied with how easy it was to capture me, and he left me without a word of explanation. I briefly glanced around, and that was enough to determine where I was. I was surrounded by freaks.

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**Please review! It will make me happy, and I'll give you a virtual high five if you do.**


	9. Chapter 9

So sorry about the delay, but I did well in all my classes! There will be a chapter 10 very soon because I was going to originally make this chapter longer, but I liked this ending so much that I didn't add in everything from my outline. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially my perspective because without your review I would have waited another week D:

**Disclaimer: **I do not own D. gray man, and I liked the last chapter of DGM... I know blasphemy!

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The cage was too low for me to stand in and too narrow to sit down in. It bit into my back as I was forced into a feral crouch. My knees knocked against the cold bars. I could hear malicious laughter echoing throughout the darkness and goosebumps began to rise up on my arms. I was confused, and disoriented, but I would not show it.

Breathing deeply I centered myself. Why was I here? Perhaps Leverrier was just using me to my fullest potential. I am his object, therefore he may do as he pleases with me. My logic was sound enough to satisfy my trembling body, so I waited. I had faced more humiliating things than being put on display in a cage. All my limbs were intact, and that alone made my situation a positive one.

I crouched in the darkness and stared at the blank eyes that devoured me, ignoring the throbbing pain and blood that crept down my back. The darkness was consuming me, and I wanted to close my eyes and forget that I had ever been born. Suddenly, light was cast upon the grotesque spectacle. Lavi and Lenalee? Lenalee was carrying a lamp, and immediately hurried towards me. Concern darkened both of their faces.

"Allen how did this happen?" Lenalee looked as if she was about to cry.

I averted my eyes, "I don't know, it just sort of happened."

There was a loud crashing noise, and I looked up to see Lavi livid with anger. "You don't have to tell me who did it. It was Leverrier." Lavi closed his eyes, "Just you wait, I'll kill that bastard for doing this to you."

Lenalee nodded in agreement. "But, first we need to get you out of here Allen." She looked anxiously at the blood pooling at the bottom of my cage.

"No!" I said too quickly, "You mustn't. Leverrier will only get more angry if you do, and then I will be punished again. Anyways, this is just another part of my job." I attempted to give them a carefree smile, but it came out as a grimace as my back throbbed painfully.

"I can't believe you!" Lenalee had tears in her eyes, "How could I not worry about you?"

I lowered my eyes, and my stomach clenched painfully.

Peering up from beneath my eyelashes, I saw Lavi give me a piteous look, and heard their foot steps disappear into the darkness.

* * *

I felt horrible being so cold to Lavi and Lenalee, but they have only known me for a few days. Why would they want to help me-a stranger? It is too confusing, too much, no one should want to help me, look where I am: the freak show. Who would want to associate with someone who clearly doesn't belong?

Suddenly I felt a cold clammy hand on my face. I jerked back violently and banged my head hard against the cage. My eyes flickered madly, looking for the person who touched me. It was a little boy. He was very clean and had on expensive-looking clothes. The way he smiled at me made me want to run away. He slowly reached his hand into my cage and I shrunk away from his touch. I was torn, I wanted to slap his hand away, but that might cause me to be punished. Evasion was my best option, so I continued to move away from the curious hand. Finally, my head bumped against the far side of my cage, and his hand rested lightly on my head. Suddenly his hands clenched around my scalp and he violently ripped a chunk of hair from my head. I howled and swatted the boy's hand away, but he was beaming, basking in his victory.

My noise had attracted more people to ogle at me. They brought lights closer to see me better. Groping hands tugged at my clothes, until with an alarming rip, my left arm was bare. The crowd gasped, and I hung my head in shame. I felt so exposed, and all I could do was bend my head down, burying my chin into my chest.

The crowd who had just discovered my deformity were upset with my withdrawn state. They heckled me, softly calling "Demon, demon, look at me demon." This caused me to shrink into myself even more. They grew frustrated. I closed my eyes, and I felt them spit on my body. Dirt, rocks, sticks were flung at my cage, the debris rattled the bars before it hit me. Their anger escalated and I felt their garbage hit me. Rotting food slowly trickled down my body, the juices made my skin itch.

My shame had paralyzed me. So much so that all these actions had only fueled the terror welling up inside of me, causing my mind to become blank. I had remained rigid and motionless for my entire bombardment, until I felt a sharp prod to my back. I screamed.

The perpetrator twisted the stick a bit and then pulled it out, a wicked grin adorned his face. The eyes of the crowd feasted greedily on my body, and every time I began to withdraw from their prying eyes, the man would thrust his stick into my back. Others, wanting to hear my screams, poked the tender flesh of my back with their fingers, kicked my legs that were pressed up against the cage and pinched my deformed arm and face.

I looked to the entrance and saw Lavi and Lenalee standing there, their faces were terror-struck. I smiled, relieved at their presence, until I noticed that they had not moved, and that someone was restraining them. Leverrier, he looked at me and smirked, looking the happiest I had ever seen him. I looked away quickly, trying to keep my composure intact. As such, I did not see Kanda as he stepped in front of my cage.

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**If you review then I will be happy, and then maybe I will be nicer to Allen... or not?**


	10. Chapter 10

Please, don't hate me.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

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I heard the familiar metallic 'whoosh' of a sword being drawn and looked up to see Kanda, his eyes glinted dangerously, his face wreathed in darkness. Everyone stopped to look at him as he lifted his sword high in the air. The sword shining in the darkness looked as if it was suspended in midair, until it came crashing down right next to my knee. Then, just as if he had done nothing, Kanda sheathed his sword and walked away. The spectators' eyes were on Kanda as he brushed past Leverrier. As such, they did not hear the creak my cage made when I nudged it experimentally, nor did they notice when I slowly crawled out from my cage. As I edged away from the crowd, a man with a stick shouted, "He's escaping!" I sprinted at him crushing my palm into his face; hearing a crack I smiled. I ran searching for a space in the canvas, seeing a sliver of light I rushed towards it. I tumbled through and scrambled to my feet, running as fast as I could.

* * *

They must be coming for me, they are going to put me back in my cage and lock me up forever. Every shadow I saw could be the boy with my hair, or the man with the bloody stick. Panic rose in my chest and my lungs were burning. The sounds of my breathing and my foot steps echoing through the night air made me want to scream. The tents around me started to blur, and my feet slowed until I fell upon my knees. Breathing harshly, and almost choking on the night, I looked up. I was kneeling in front of Kanda's tent, almost as if in prayer. And O how this place looked like my salvation.

* * *

As I lay in the pallet, my body shook uncontrollably; I heard Kanda come in. He said nothing. His actions frustrated me and I wanted to wring the truth from him. Without thinking I shot up, and pointed my finger at him, ready to cast my judgement.

"Why?" Such an idiotic word, so easy to deflect.

Kanda merely looked at me in response.

His silent treatment was slowly driving me to hysteria and I screamed, my voice cracking, "Why?"

He looked alarmed and that satisfied me, almost made me lose all desire to hear his voice, but then, he opened his mouth, and my stomach flipped gleefully. His stare pierced me. "Stop screaming."

I wrung my hands together, trying to will the shaking away; as if that would stop my screaming. I spoke softly, conceding to his command, "Why?"

Kanda's face became contorted in anger. He looked disgusted, as if he could not look at me anymore, and he walked away.

* * *

But, I was not finished. I would have my answer from him, all the answers he has withheld from me. I followed him, tracing his footsteps and constantly bombarding him with my presence. He was angry; no furious; maybe even, homicidal. He could not banish me though; I was a demon after all, that's what people said I was, so I would become one. Their words transformed me. I would be the demon who rapes their fair daughters by my mere, horrific, presence. I was not meant to give others hope, even if it is a false hope. I cannot be the stoic clown; smile permanently sewn into place. I will live in the darkness, only coming out to show humanity their most despicable qualities. As I followed Kanda, I wanted him to reveal his true self to me, and I knew it would be more monstrous than mine. That thought alone made me giddy with delight.

* * *

As I continued to doggedly pursue Kanda, his pace kept increasing. Either his anger or terror was building to dangerous levels, but his desire to eradicate my presence was exceptionally clear. My abused body was starting to grow tired, yet the shaking had ceased to stop, leaving me, strangely enough, restlessly exhausted. But, I could not leave. Going back to the tent would most likely result in a fate worse than death, therefore I followed Kanda, even though my fiery passion for the truth had waned. He was heading towards the forest; my stomach lurched in terror. If the forest made me feel uneasy in the day, I would feel absolutely terrified at night. Yet, camp held nothing for me; Lenalee and Lavi might be waiting for me, but they were nothing but empty promises. Leverrier would either beat me to death in a public display, or maim me and stick me in a cage. I had a sudden urge to run away, to escape from this silly little island, but I immediately quashed the desire. If I did that, how would I make those who made me suffer, scream in terror? I realized that I would be able to exact my revenge purely because I did not care for myself. Why would I wish happiness upon myself? Mana is dead, and it would have been for the best if I had died with him. If I can make evil suffer before I die, then I have found my path, my purpose to live. As I came to this conclusion, I was already deep within the forest. There was nothing but darkness, and the eery hum of insects. Kanda's footsteps stopped, and I stood still. Somewhere along the trip my body had stopped shaking, and there was nothing to stop the weariness from washing over my body; trying to persuade me to sleep. I swayed, the black forest merged with my half closed eyes. As such, I barely noticed when Kanda moved, slowly closing the distance between us. His steady breathing just a few feet in front of me threatened to lull me into a deep sleep. Just as I was ready to embrace oblivion, I remembered my purpose. "Why?" I whispered, so softly it sounded like the humming of bugs. Kanda put his hand on my shoulder, it was difficult to see him, he spoke softly, he said


End file.
